DEALING WITH CRITICISM

Epictetus once said “It is not what happens to you, but how you respond to it that matters.” You cannot stop people criticising you, but you can choose the way you want to respond to it. Do you see criticism as a positive way of identifying your mistakes so you can correct them or do you think being criticised is negative?

In order to understand this you need to think about what you are looking for, who is criticising you and whether you feel the criticism is justified. Unfortunately, some people out of jealousy and spite like to put others down and undermine their confidence under the cover of criticism. I trust you are smart enough to know who is helping you with constructive criticism, or who is trying to destroy your attempt to improve yourself.

Most of the time, the person undermining your confidence is doing so because it is showing them to be incapable and lazy. Imagine saying to someone around you that you want to change some of the bad habits you might have like smoking, weight problem or drinking. Imagine that your confidant has tried and failed to fix similar problems in their life, what do you think they are going to say to you? The person will probably tell why you will never make it; you will be reminded of all the things you have not managed to accomplish in your life. The reason your confidant is doing they best to discourage you is because if and when you succeed, they will have no justification for their own failure. Imagine two friends facing the same problems in their life, if one succeeds and the other fails what do you thing will happen?    

You also know that those who want to help you will always provide constructive criticism. As soon as you tell them about your intention to improve or better your life, instead of reminding you of your last failure in order to make you give up, they will have a different attitude. They want to know if you are serious, if you have researched your latest initiative and have a clear picture of your goal. They want to know if you are ready to go all the way and are aware of the potential pitfalls.

Those who criticise you to hurt you do so to make you give up while other who criticise you to help you do it to make you understand the nature of the task and the challenge you are facing. The next time you are talking to someone whoever that person might be about your intention to improve yourself, pay attention to their answer. Listen carefully to their response and their reaction, and you will surely know whether the person is criticising to hurt you or to help you. You will then be in a better position to tailor your reaction to their action, by either ignoring their sneering or accepting their positive contribution.

CHRISTIAN