Once upon a time I wanted to
set up my company in publishing and writing a book, even though I liked the
idea very much and was ready to make the necessary sacrifice to make it happen,
I was still doubtful about my ability to realise my dream. In my desire to have
some objective opinion, I went to speak to my dear and trusted friend who has
been by my side for more than a decade. He first silently listened to me
narrate my plans and ultimate dream and, calmly told me that the idea was good
in principle but, he just could not see it happening because of all that will
be involved in achieving it. He went on to advise me to look for something more
realistic to do, something that could easily be achieved.
Needless to say that single
advice from my best friend destroyed my plans and dreams right there and then.
The only person I always felt I could rely on had just told me my dream was
dead in water even before I have taken the first step in making it happen. It
was a big blow to my confidence and, I did not have the strength of character
to continue after that. I was not happy to hear his assessment but, it was difficult
for me to question the motive of someone who has never previously giving reason
to doubt his loyalty and commitment. I was crushed because I thought I had
discovered something I really wanted to do long term.
When was the last time you
had a bright idea about improving your life and you went to confide in your
friend or family member to get their objective opinion? The mistake we
continuously make is that we think because someone is closed to us, their
opinion on everything is a diktat and should not be questioned. Do you think my
dear friend hated me and wanted to destroy my dreams? The answer to that
question is not, he gave me the best advice he could muster giving what he knew
on the subject, which was a big nothing. Was it his fault? No, it was mine for
asking and he felt obliged to answer to help me his good friend.
At any point in all this, I
never stopped to think even for a minute about what I was doing by asking the
opinion of civil servant about starting a business. He only told me what he
knew and because I asked for it. The truth of the matter is that he was not
qualified to advise me on that particular subject and I should never had
approached him, for that mistake I paid dearly. You need to learn to speak to
the right people about your project, especially when it comes to discussing the
things that matter to you. Whenever you want to make a decision about important
aspects of your life, think carefully about who you are going to listen to.
Your friends and family members might be loyal to you but, they can only tell
you what they know. You should only talk to those who are qualified to help you
make a credible decision on that particular subject.
It does not matter how close
you are to someone, if they are not qualified to advise you on a particular
topic, do not ask for it. If you ask for it and they give you a wrong advice
you only have yourself to blame. If you want you improve yourself and get a
better life, you have to learn to choose carefully who’s advice you listen to
because it will be the difference between failing or succeeding. Remember this
important lesson of life; your greatest enemy is not your mouthy neighbour,
your spiteful colleague or your jealous relative. Your greatest enemy is you because whatever
anyone does to you, you have the ability to decide how to respond to it. Only
you can make or break your life by either choosing the right people or
listening to wrong ones.
CHRISTIAN
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